sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
