I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
