I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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