It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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