Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
This baby is an asshole
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Randomize
