i would punch a child for taco bell
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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