My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
