Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
The air was thick with penises
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I came so hard my ears popped.
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