The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
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