Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
