This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize