I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
