i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
