I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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