**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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