I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
