this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
