remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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