you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
