Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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