i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
