I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
