To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
