I must be too annoying 4 u.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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