did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
