dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her