Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
