New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
there is puke in my bra ... again
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