Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
