I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Randomize
