Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
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