I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
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DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Damn victory sex feels great
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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