She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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