btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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