i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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