a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
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