Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
is wine microwaveable?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
