Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
