we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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