I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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