the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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