I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
