I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize