I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
