My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Randomize
