I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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