Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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