he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
