I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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