Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
