Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
