Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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