Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
