I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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