I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
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