Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
