Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
