**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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