it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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