New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
