im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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