Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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