Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
There are leaves in my underwear?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
