Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
