The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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