before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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