I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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